sometimes you just gotta' row

get on with it.

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The velocity of time can be measured by multiplying the volume of work to be completed times the resources available to do it, to the exponent of one’s resistance to actually doing the work.

I’ve been here for two months. I’ve produced, maybe, two day’s worth of output.

It seems that I’ve:

1) underestimated the impact of the changes I’ve brought on.

2) overestimated my ability to cope with the impact of the changes.

3) misjudged my writing ability.

I’ve not figured out how to successfully force the work. Anything new that I’ve written of late, this way, reads contrived and constipated. More often I end up recycling stuff that I’ve already written with a detached subjectivity. In a zombie-like glaze, I’ll re-write re-writes, move phrases around, change words here and there and, inevitably logic will fail or, I won’t pick up on adjusting the punctuation, etc. It can be disheartening for me to read the stuff afterward.

It is getting better. I’m taking a blogging tutorial and now have another blog up in addition to this one and so have other, less onerous venues available to write to. That’s the key, to keep writing.

The advice that’s been given to me by assorted sources, including the mentor with whom I’m working, is to just write, don’t think too much and let the chips fall where they may. The more writing I do, the more I can get closer to this think-less approach. It’s like someone who struggles with going to the gym, even though they know that it’s good for them and that they’ll feel a lot better once they’ve done it and yet, it’s too hard to get up and go.

Just write they say. Right, I say.

Never thought that this would happen. I’ve always been able to see a story in anything. Would have thought that when it really mattered, like when I’ve sold the farm to run away to become a writer, for instance, I’d be able to pull a story together. Clearly, not much happens just because you want it.

The process has been showing signs of positive movement; or I’ve been able to stay engaged long enough to allow multiple thoughts to make it to the keyboard. I know that part, or maybe all, of the resistance is from the realization that this might not work, and then what? Intellectually I appreciate that this is a fundamental truth, regardless of the endeavor or the participant. It is highly likely that I’ll gain much more if I finish what I started, whatever the outcome. I’m here, what else is there?


Written by glh

October 18, 2009 at 23:40

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