hendelar

sometimes you just gotta' row

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An-ti-ci-pa-tion. Willing reluctance. Beginner hands. Your heart thumps. Awkward cough. She trembles at first but purrs sweetly when you get her warmed up.

If you’ve got snow to move, a snow blower is the way to go.

You learn to keep fresh fuel on hand; an aged supply has to be treated with an additive or else it stales and the engine won’t run. One day the thing won’t start, a fouled spark plug is the cause. You’ve got to have a properly sized socket on hand in order to remove the plug for cleaning. Then you figure out that the spark plug fouls when too much choke is set for too long but the motor stalls without enough choke. A spare spark plug becomes essential. Meanwhile the snow is building up.

The frozen-finger crap would have been averted if I’d known what to expect from this particular machine in advance…could have aligned expectations with reality. If it’d been my circumstance, I might have even chosen another brand. Yes, it would have brought along its own issues, perhaps more onerous than this machine.

Perfection only occurs in the sales brochure. In a relationship with the significant other this is known as the honeymoon phase. The soft-focus period when we believe flaws belong to other people…our imperfections dismissed as cute or quirky by our perfect new partner and damn aren’t they clever?

Freud believed this deception allows us to satisfy our need to procreate by overriding logic, aka the sex drive. As always, a combination of desire and conscience can land us in deep.

I once attempted to apply some of this learning while still stumbling in the purple fog of a new relationship. We took time to define our respective priorities and then analyzed the places where there was conflict. Yeah, in terms of maintaining the rose-colored tint, the exercise was a bad move. The giddy stuff quickly dissipates when the decidedly unromantic sound of alarm bells begin to rattle the windows. Eventually we would have discovered these conflicts and at that point would have had to decide whether to fix, flee, or enact that other popular option, grin and bear.

With the passage of “involved” time we accumulate a commensurate collection of emotional currency. To a large extent our willingness and ability to make changes that affect the relationship is governed by how much of that currency is in the bank.

Deciding to fix it and stick it while still unencumbered by the baggage of time, biases conscious thought over the unfinished business lurking within the stupefying mist-bliss. Deliberately working through stuff while the effort is still an option defines the potential of a loving relationship with a certain freshness. The doggie gets to wag the tail rather than vice versa.

The snow blower; couldn’t live without it now but it would have been so much easier if I’d known what to expect.

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Written by glh

January 7, 2012 at 20:17

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