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for you but for moi

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she said, “nice adventure, if your affairs were in order.”

i’ve believed the adventure i’m currently planning is, well, nice. possibly important to souls other than my own. and sure, a bigger step than those behind me.

part of the preparation involves water; i have a few childhood scars related to water but screw it, push on. it’s what i’ve been doing up until now. the weight of time is not bound to lighten, if not now…?

3:30 a.m., awake with a startle – wtf. thoughts and rumination drift and rip. maybe the show is over and it’s time to go home now, after all. might be good, find a project back in town, make some dough and try to save the retirement.

aha, methinks, this leg-shattering little ingot, begun as a sort of indisputable truth, is fueled by the water-scared thingie. fear, the rascal, latched on to something, anything, so to have its way and avoid today’s confrontation with the water. sob. no, s.o.b.

yes and, got it; her interests are about her affairs. no, not unjustified. all the stuff…time, money and, who knows, maybe even love, etc.

this stuff, fear and self-interest, knows no bounds, bears no conscience outside of its own realm. it’s one of life’s dynamics of balance and, at the least sounds an alert, ensuring we’ll take the initiative for another look, without obligation.

tomorrow, back in the water for day two for me and my affairs, as sordid and unfounded as they appear through her tinted spectacles.

glh

Written by glh

July 2, 2011 at 20:04

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